MAMEWorld Forums - The Loony Bin - Episode 8: The Force Equals Mass Times Excelleration

SPOILER ALERT

Episode 7, the Force Awakens, ends, and...

In episode 8, after they found Luke Skywalker, Rey discovers he disappeared to undergo his "auditing" as part of his conversion from the Force to Scientology, which, as it turns out, is the true religion of the Universe, and the whole "aliens mated with monkeys" thing was spot on.

Sadly, no one remembers the way back to the Milky Way galaxy, where Arakanians banged a bunch of monkeys while high on chloridian during a bachelor's party a couple thousand years ago. Luke realizes now his calling is to find the way back to the Milky Way, and return to that planet called Earth, where to this day Scientologists are still awaiting the return of the Arakanian race. He knows now he has to retrace the inebriated steps of the stoned Arakanian forefathers.

Luke hooks Rey up to the Scientology E-meter and discovers that her thetan count is off the charts... she may be The One the Scientologists are waiting for, so he passes what little he knows of the map to her, including details of the route to the Scientology Alien Space Cathedral and landing strip.

Rey returns to the Rebel base to share the pamphlets and recruiting materials with Princes Leia, who realized that now the rebellion is doomed. Not just because Luke is her stupid twin brother who got all the chloridian genes, but also because he isn't coming back, and also because the rebellion can't afford the $300,000 Scientology fee to cross the The Bridge to Total Freedom.

Chewbacca, realizing that because he's been Han Solo's side-kick all these years, he's never even seen another of his kind, let alone have sex with any of them. Since Solo is dead, he settles for Rey and elopes with her, hoping to hide forever from the First Order, and takes her in the Millennium Falcon to the Land of the Lost looking for a life of happiness together.

Poe Dameron, realizing Chewy just took the only key to man's salvation, the "One" who could save mankind, and took her away for a sex-starved bang-fest, goes out looking for Chewy and Rey.

Once in the Land of the Lost, Chewbacca by chance meets Chaka, his nearest living related species, and falls in love, dumping Rey for hairy butt sex.

Poe Dameron, having tracked the Millennium Falcon, recovers Rey, but finds her wookie-banged-out punani no good, and he abandons her, ending Episode 8, leaving Rey to vow revenge-setting up the cliffhanger for Episode 9: Attack of the Boned, which Disney execs decided to re-brand as Episode 9: Flight of Fantasia.