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aavada
master of unlocking
Reged: 09/25/10
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Someone was a bit dissapoint with Duke Nukem Forever...
01/04/12 05:37 AM


Found this little gem in here.




Quote:


[–]FraggotMan 3 points 1 hour ago*

While I didnt go out and preorder that $200 shit in the pic like some goddamn moran Lo've Chunks do admidt I had some hope for it. I just figured it would be all kinds of...well....game tech demos all piled into one game especially after the FUCKING FAKE AS ALL FUCK E3 TRAILER THAT MADE ME CRY IT WAS SO GODDAMN GOOD AND MAN I DOWNLOADED THAT SHIT FOR LIKE 12 HOURS OR SOME SHIT WITH GETRIGHT ON A SHITTY 56K BACK IN THE DAY.

I thought that AT LEAST it would be a nice variety of shit even if it was a bit broken and nonsensicle.

I thought yeah the graphics and shit are gonna be 4-5 years or so behind but shit man...fucing Kingpin by Xatrix still looks fucking great....so I can deal with that and it will ahve great FPS.

I thought we would have all kinds of new and creative weapons and tools and shit to fuck around with and we could carry them all at the same time.

I thought the strip clubs would be assolutly cuntacular and would be the best titty bars ever created in 3D and that there would be more than 1 of them kind of like GTA4

I thought you could actually interact with the enviroment in gamey fun ways

I thought duke would be funny

I thought all of this would be in it...if a bit broken but no man no way.

I was fucking WRONG

It was fucking overly linear as fuckign shit through a goose and you do nothing but shoot stuff and slap ugly wall tits

There was more texture variety and creativity and attention to detail in that FUCKING FAKE AS ALL FUCK E3 TRAILER THAT MADE ME CRY IT WAS SO GODDAMN GOOD AND MAN I DOWNLOADED THAT SHIT FOR LIKE 12 HOURS OR SOME SHIT WITH GETRIGHT ON A SHITTY 56K BACK IN THE DAY than there was through the whole damn released game. This game was fucking UUGGLLYYY. Fucking max payne had better looking textures

The weapons were fucking ABYSMALLY generic and WHAT THE FUCK YOU CAN ONLY CARRY TWO WTF. They FORCED you to use certain weapons at certain fucking points...i mean seriously what the fuck man. Give me how many of what I fucking what whenever i so choose to use it you fucking assbarrels. They could have just half ass cloned the weapons from postal 2 and I would have been content...speakign of which POSTAL 3 is out. it aint perfect in any form or fashion but its fuckign entertaining and a nice break from everything else...but then i guess thats the entire point of postal. Its fucking better than DNF thats for goddamn sure. Seriously its everything DNF wanted to be.

Postal dude raped Duke Nukem in prison....but i digress.....

The nudie bars in DNF....oh Im sorry THE NUDIE BAR in DNF should have been call the Clastrophirotica. Seriously Ive been in tit joints thats have bigger bathrooms than the entirety of the strip club in DNF squared to itself. THe worst part....YOU COULDNT FUCKIG GO TO IT WHENEVER THE ASS YOU WANTED SOME ASS ON LAP. Yeah yeah I know you couldnt do that in DN3D either but come the fuck on peoples. SO...awesome itt bar yeah Im going around doing boring tedious shit for fucking coke baggin clothes droppers to boost my ego. Yeah baby Ill go make this fucking popcorn for you.....IM the goddamn savior of the fucking everything but yeah I will make you fucking microwave popcorn in my own little shitty strip club because Im the fucking errand boy not the goddamn CEO of the goddamn USS Awesomeship. IM a fucking monkey barback not some guy who once shat in a fucking 3 foot wide and triple times tall aliens esophugus. Not even the fucking aliens wanted anything to do with that place. GTA pretty much has had the best strip joints in games as of now but it is still second to Lo've Chunks. Well...since you are wondering Lo've Chunks was a character I made in SWG post NGE. He was an entertainer because all the other classes were pretty fuch fucked up...because there were fucking classes as opposed to the open skillset of preNGE which was bad ass and so close to UO classic but anyhow Lo've Chunks was a dathomirian or what ever the fuck darth mauls race was. Lo've Chunks was a fat obess one though. I turned the fat bars up to 11 with Lo've Chunks in the character creator. He had damn fine muscular legs though. everything above the knees though....over inflated undercooked pancakes.

Pink hot pants. Yes thats right pink hot pants. that Lo've Chunks iconic choice of leg wear from the cantinas of tantooine to the battlefields of that PVP moon place I cant remeber the name of. Lo've Chunks would bring along thousands of credits worth of fireworks and modified entertainers droids. Lo've Chunks once put on a show of fireworks and lasering smoke holo emitting baddass trippy droids that lasted 3 hours and about 17 minutes....and made twenty two times the cost in return from tips. Lo've Chunks was once given a months control of production to an entire player city dedicated to manufacturing fireworks for a discrete in game PVP match of two of the servers most notable players who were dueling over control of a third of the servers active player cities.

Oh wow I can throw shit around and draw on walls with it. Wow...oh wait thats the most interactive this game gets with the enviroment....uhhh....

Duke isnt funny and OMG wtf its still quotes and shit from other stuff. WTF really......i forgave you for being Duke 'Ash' Nukem in 3 but....seriously WT goddamn F. it is so forced too like...HAHAH HEY LOOK WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE WITTY TO COPY IN THE MOST SHITTY WAY OTHER PEOPLES MATERIAL BUT IN DUKES VOICE WHICH SOUDS LIKE HE GAINED 5 POUNDS AND AGED FOUR TIEMS AS MANY YEARS

I really....uhm...surprisngly didnt encounter too many bugs or crashes. None ther were memoriable. UNLESSS YOU COUNT THE WHOLE GODDAMN GAME AS ONE BIG FUCKING BUG THAT SHOUDL AHVE BEEN STOMPED TO DEATH FOREVER AND EVER IN DEVELOPMENT. but yeah no crashes or anything. thats more than a lot of shit can saylike those conmen over at Kerberos Studios seriously you faggots fix your shit.
shit through a goose. shit through a mother fucking goose. that is the definition of DNF

.shit man imma make an entire submission bout this shit and Lo've Chunks






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* Someone was a bit dissapoint with Duke Nukem Forever... aavada 01/04/12 05:37 AM

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