MAMEWorld Forums - The Loony Bin - I am officially too old for this shit

We’ve got a couple of grads at work. One of them is way too eager to make a good impression. So he gave a blanket invitation to his 21st to everyone in the office. It isn’t a big office so even if everyone showed up, it wouldn’t have been the end of the world for him. Most of us couldn’t be arsed going, because we’re way older than him, and it’d be like being his dad at his 21st, but if none of us showed up it’d be like we were all snubbing his invite, which would be rude. So I took one for the team and showed up.

It started at a pub where he had an open tab for guests, and it was actually OK. I was chatting with some of his mates about photography and options trading. Then it moved to some nightclub in the casino complex. I really shouldn’t have moved on with them.

The first challenge was actually getting into the place. There are so many fucking queues, depending on whether you’re on the guest list, have a pre-purchased ticket, or are just trying to get in or some shit. Ironically the general admission queue seemed to move faster than the guest list queue. The guy checking my ID seemed to think I was possibly drunk – said it looked like I was near the end of my rope. I told him honestly that it was just because I'm too old for this shit, and tired from being in the office from eight to six every day, and I wouldn’t be there if my friend wasn’t turning 21. He seemed satisfied with the answer, and let me buy a ticket and go in. Chalk one up to being honest.

So I got out on the dance floor with my “friends” of whom I knew exactly one person. I swear I was at least a decade older than anyone else there. They had a couple of DJs, but they were shit; DJs at any decent club in Darlinghurst are better. They had a couple of go-go dancers on the stage, but they were crap, too. You see better go-go dancing at any DH bar in Wan Chai (HK). One of the guys is like, “Make the most of it, you only live once!” indicating that I should grind up against some of the girls in the group. I kinda went through the motions of it, but grinding with a 20-year-old girl I only met a couple of hours ago doesn’t really feel meaningful.

Now the dance floor is pretty crowded, so moving around can be a bit of an issue. Most people are pretty reasonable about it, but there’s always one. He didn’t try to get past, he tried to walk through me, and I just didn’t move. He got really fucking pissed off, and his mate pulled on my shirt a bit from behind. I just ignored them, but they decided to come back some time later. One of them yanked my shirt from the front so all the buttons came off, and the pissed off one told me to, “Get out of here in three seconds or I’m going to kick your fucking arse.” I just ignored him, but I was kinda worried about getting kicked out for having my shirt open.

Turned out I didn't need to worry. Being unable to button up my shirt seemed to make people think I was just so epically self-assured that I was going around with my chest hair showing. (In actual fact I was horribly embarrassed about revealing how little attention I pay to keeping my abs in shape.)

The guys came back later to tell me to, “Apologise in three seconds or I’ll break your fucking back.” These guys really seemed to have a thing for “three seconds” and prefixing body parts with “fucking” for emphasis. Too bad they weren’t actually any good at delivering on threats. I think they actually wanted me to hit them first so I’d get kicked out or something, since the buttonless shirt hadn’t slowed me down. I just laughed out loud. They slapped me a couple of times, but that was the best they could deliver. It didn’t even hurt.

At some point a couple of bouncers crossed the dance floor for some reason. They seemed to be coming right for me, so I thought I was in trouble for my open shirt, but they just wanted to go past. I joked to a bouncer on the way out, “I swear this shirt had buttons when you let me in!” He laughed and wanted to hear the story. Some beat cops I passed on the way home also wanted to hear the story.

So I’m still not really drunk, I’m even more tired than I was at the beginning of the evening, I need to buy a new shirt, and the whole experience was strangely unsatisfying. I’m too old to party with the kids.