TEH HOLY OCTANOMICON
Teh Book of Oct_anic Verses
"if im action you..you will be able to reanimate my cahrs.....trust me...some dollars in justice will make u reanimate my accounts..."
-Oct_ane 1337:1
"who are you?"
- MisTer_X (*oct_ane) 1228/06:3:20:25
"*clap you dad to vistory your mother !&$%er"
-Lovejar 420:12
"its your tough luck and stop your complaining, your imature yourself.....ill do a repeat of you..\
-Lovejar 145:12-16
"dove same they earned very many moneies this Mafia must end. BLIZZARD WE NEED YOUR HELP DESTROY THIS CRAP CANCER OF DIABLO 2"
-Destino 12:1-3
"thx u now he willn't reply without a quote i started i hope ' stfu noob'"
-Blacktobe 12:1
"If you buy a new car and it a lemon after 6 six months are you going to stop driving it??
NO NOOB. You will be #@%$!ing like crazy."
-Neostars 31:3-5
" dude i dont evn no hw 2 dupe nd if i was gna trade a cta nd it was dupe y wuld i du it on forums were i cn loose my cdkey nd acc."
-brn_d_muthafuka 1:23
"Hopefully he sends it to me so I can action myself."
-Nicolas Jay Ess (Moderation Soup for the Soul)
"Hmm." (Book of Karlriche)
(as interpretted by Poovine interpretting Slaygor's interpretation)
Anthology of Oct_anic Threats
Your face is the scabbing from yourself, it's ashaming to you.
Diets cokings! Your haves to be drinks it, fat mongoose.
Dare to sayings these things to me? If your voice your thinkings with blackness directingly my face, breakings happens to the nose of you.
The money is gave with to the purchase, you are blindings lady, your smellings like monthly period cycles.
Shave yourself noob, your looks to be the grandmother's crotchings.
Trust my mouth sayings, I am rule you with fistings.
Your face swellings likes I'm give you to the allergy peanut punches.
If your say Intel, I says AMD and trust me to be pissings in your mouth.
Some estrogens will helpings for you. For you to being my better bitchings.
(as interpretted by Poovine)
Teh Book of Metmop
"...And, yay. The lovejar rose from his keyboard. His hands shaking of rage and confusion. 'Cry foul!' he sayeth unto his house cat. 'How doth mine enemies cast me off so?' For on that day, the lovejar felt the true power of oct_ane strike down upon him from a thousand different angles. Stupefied as to his inability to win teh internets, the lovejar began to &@$%&#$@%e furiously. It was at that time that he cut away at his nipples with a butter knife. And, the blood did flow and the foreskin did burn." - Metmop 17:3-12
(as interpretted by Chilli_Cheesie)
It is said in the book of Metmop (32:14-19), that when oct_ane first visited the Americas, after receiving his Certificate of Completion in Paralegal Studies, he came upon a disheveled dwelling. In that dwelling lived an aged women of 74 years. Upon sodomizing her house plants, and defecating atop her living room couch, oct_ane pronounced that this was the way of things. The aged women, in a fit of joy, began to felate oct_ane while diligently humming the Monchichi theme song until his glory rained down.
Praise his name!
(as interpretted by Chilli_Cheesie)
when oct_ane visited the Americas he towel whipped a young man's eyeball with his !&!@$? Metmop 12:7-9
(as interpretted by Chilli_Cheesie)
The Apocalypse of Poovine
And I saw when the mod opened one of the seals, and I heard, as it were the noise of laughter at the expense of others, one of the four flamers saying, Come and see.
And I saw, and behold a troll who posted in only bold text: and he had with him a redirect link to tubgirl; and buttsecks was given unto him: and he went forth posting, and to put fear into the casual forumer.
And when he had opened the second seal, I heard the second flamer say, Come and see.
And there went out another troll that always edited his posts: and power was given to him that sat thereon to use sarcasm in all situations, and that they should flame one another: and there was given unto him a method of bypassing language filters.
And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the third flamer say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a troll that always posted in italic text; and he had with him a pair of goatse redircts at his disposal. And I heard a voice in the midst of the four flamers say, it's a trap!
And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth flamer say, Come and see.
And I looked, and behold a troll that posted only sexual references: and his name was Dethguise, and a giant douche followed with him. And power was given unto them over the weekends on the forum, to distrub with images of a woman being !@!@!@lly penetrated while calling it anal, and with the flamers of the forum.
-The Apocalypse of Poovine(6:1-8)
(-as interpretted by Metmop)
Teh Eight Kommandments
1. Thou shall worship oct_ane
2. Thou shall follow the path of the dollar of justice
3. Thou shall action others in the name of oct_ane
4. Thou shall troll D2GD and be teh vanguard of oct_ane
5. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's ass, dupes, hrs or anything not given to thee by the will of oct_ane
6. Thou shall speak Engrish
7. [teh 7th kommandment was lost, only oct_ane knows it]
8. Thou shall not fear death, for any expired cahrs will be reanimated by some dollar in justice
(-as interepreted by Cat5UP)
The Octanisburg Address
"It was on one of these jaunts that he came upon a small woodland creature, curled against a half eaten bag of Fritos. He asked the creature, "joo geiv frtos?" To which there was no reply. The Great Lord asked again, "joo geiv frotos?" Again, no answer. To the bewilderment of the creature, Our Lord began to disrobe.
Upon removing his tattered yellow briefs, the Great Lord moved again to confront the wee mammal. "giev... or action.", said the stark white face of Our Lord into the unblinking eyes of his foe. Again, no response. A slight smile pulled at the sides of oct_ane's ruby red lips, for he knew it was time.
As quick as lightning did oct_ane detach his penis from its connection and he did begin to beat savagely at his unsuspecting foe. Fifty, nay, ONE HUNDRED times did oct_ane swing his wiggle stick down upon the bloody frame of his enemy.
Judging his actioning as sufficient, the Great Lord rose from the bloodied Earth, taking in deep gasps of the hate filled air. From a position of standing did oct_ane look again upon his broken enemy and spit. And there he stood for a great while, slowly screwing his penis back into place.
With no malice did oct_ane move forward again. Taking his slain foe's broken body into his hands, the Great Lord began to sodomize every opening in the creature that it was not born with. The pain of shattered bones piercing oct_ane's flesh did nothing but fuel his desire even more. On and on did oct_ane love his enemy until his coitial screams were heard some 5 miles away." - Metmop addressing the US House of Representatives (3/17/05)
(as interpreted by Chilli)
The Blessed Trinity
It is by action we dollar for justice.
It is by dollars our justice is actioned.
It is by justice we action dollars.
This interpretation of His words... the unity of action, justice and dollars is inseparable. Take one away and you are left with nothing. Would you action dollars without justice? If you have dollars for justice... will you not action them? How will you action for justice without dollars?
(Excerpt of Slaygor's Commencement Speech at Northeastern Poly Octane A&M State Tech University)
The Apocrypha of Slaygor
"A Baron from afar came unto the thread of oct_ane and spoke of pagan sacrifice.
After the blaspheme of The Baron the apostle poovine journeyed to the realm of The Baron to spread the true words.
The Baron cast out poovine and the other apostles. For he deemed their words to be unclean and their prescence to be fell.
When poovine returned to the thread of oct_ane he demanded that the words of oct_ane be not used again for one week.
The Baron came unto the holy thread. The Baron illustrated to the apostle poovine that he too was disobiedient so he quoted oct_ane.
Thus it was that The Baron did himself say the words to bring humility to poovine. The Baron sayeth "Hmm" before the quoting.
I myself then spoke into the thread. In the words of Engrish I observed that The Baron had done as the followers of oct_ane had done.
The Baron was pleased.
Thus it was that we were all the same with no man greater than the other.
I wept for joy and a warmth inside spread through me." (The Apocrypha of Slaygor)
The Arrival and Conversion (from the Apocrypha of Slaygor)
When oct_ane looked upon his accounts he was filled with mad. For losted there were his cahrs. Five years he had made the cahrs. Lost now; save for the desire in his heart to reanimate them.
For 90 days and 90 nights the carhs had been left alone and they had expired.
So he came to an ark of the internet sea. There to speak on salvation though dollars and action for justice.
On the ark He could not find the leader Blizzard. So he called for Blizzard by name. Out of the ark came two of all creature... two spammers, two trolls, two moderators, two regulars, two MVP's, two newbies, two noobs, two haxxorz, two flamers; and more.
They too, had been abandoned by Blizzard and were left to live in each others excrement in the unwashed vessel. The moderators would hose the deck down five days per week but the mess would pile up again. Anger would rise and the filter would be bypassed.
He then spoke.
"trust me.."
These two simple words of oct_ane reverberated through the vessel. These had far more power than "get a life" which was the phrase of the day.
They had entrusted Blizzard to bring them justice, but it was never done. They sought action from Blizzard but it was seldom done. Blizzard sought their dollars and this was always done... but not for oct_ane.
Why then would they not place their trust in oct_ane?
-(Slaygor double space posting (SDSP®) is a registered trademark of Slaygor Enterprises. All rights reserved.)
The Martyrdom of The Post
They became not so bored for
His words had touched many.
The mod was ignored
even moreso than Kenny.
Was the mod good?
Was the mod jealous?
Did the mod give me wood?
Second... I tell ye, good fellas.
For oct_ane was kewl
The mod... not so hot.
oct_ane made me drool
The mod... is a snot.
With wiggly finger he clicked on "Delete"
He probably smiled and thought he was neat.
But oct_ane did no wrong.
The deletion unjust!
For His return we long.
My tears form a crust.
(-Slaygor)
Oct_ane, the Sun, and Chinchillas
"And ye, did oct_ane decend from the Heavens, and in the Old Tongue he spake, saying things too powerful to be understood, for to hear the words of the great oct_ane is to stare at the sun if you're up really close, like 4 feet away and not wearing sunglasses or squinting or anything. And we did kneel and weep, and 2 chinchillas were sacrificed as was his wont. And it was written, and so it shall be done."
(-AcidRane)
Sanctum Poematis Octanamis
"Homage to thee, Oct_ane, Lord of the forums, King of vistory, whose names are manifold, whose forms are holy, thou being of hidden form in cahrs, whose %@#$& is holy. Thou art the Lord to whom praises are ascribed in the tome Oct_anomicon. Thou art the Prince of divine words. Thou art the Lord who is commemorated in the Church of Oct_ane. Thou art the Soul of the fat mongoose, his own body, and hast thy place of rest in the face of scabbings. Thou art the beneficent one, and art praised with manies justice. Thou makest thy soul to be in actions and raised up. Thou art the Lord of the Great House in General discussion. Thou art the mighty one of vistories, the Lord of eternity."
(as interpretted by Darth_Ozzy)
Ulmo Sin Postwipita
And Oct_ane looked upon the oct_sphere and grew bored. "My children know nothing of brutality, let me flood the oct_sphere with a flood of blood." he did so, and yay was it totally metal. The most brutal followers of oct_ane where commanded to construct a lovejar to protect them flood waters and to put a pair of each type of animal in it so they would not hunger. All animals not consumed where not totall pussies and had earned the right to survive in the eyes of Oct_ane. But one follower did hunger. Oct-ane did smite him and his name was cursed. From that time on all fools where named Sinistar. And oct_ane grew bored again and did conjure a hawt chik. And thus did the blood tide of oct_ane recede. And the servants of oct_ane and all the animals exited from the lovejar and on to dry land. The lover jar emptied quickly and the most brutal servant of oct_ane, Slaygoah, said to the animals "Go forth and multiply." And the animals left. But two snakes remained behind. Slaygoah asked "Why do you not get busy?" the snaks replied "we are adders, we can't multiply". And Slaygoah built a table from the bloody bones of the drowned that lay littered upon the surface of the octo_sphere and constructed the most metal table in the history of tables. And slaygoah picked the adders and placed them on the table. And the adders said "This joke would have made sense if the table was wooden. You know, even adders can multiply on a wooden table. But a bone table?" And Slaygoah said "No, you misunderstand. I hunger". And Slaygoah slew the adders with his beak. And thus did Slaygoah consume the adders. From then on all the desendents of Slaygoah had venomous tounges.
(as interpreted by Ulmo_Vala)
GFrazier for Dummies
"I decry the existence of any group that venerates GFraizer," cried Ulmo as he shook his fist in a blind fit of rage. A few moments later a calming message filled with many dollars in justice lit up the computer screen, it was the Baron. "They do not Venerate him, as GFrazier was but a Puppet to the Oct_ane, who is but a shadow to the greatness that was once known as Teh Jostef. Oh why hast Teh Jostef Forsaken us? Would that he not come down on his firey walker, Brandishing his vorpal cane over his head and cough a few times before showing the true path to Spam."
Psalms of the Spam
And the callow youth came upon the teachings of oct_ane and found them good.
"Oh Mighty Saviour, enlighten me as to the Dollars of Justice, and I swear to thee all my Cahrs will be dedicated to your service, honest!"
And oct_ane found it good.
So it was that the Cahrs of the callow youth became mighty, and dedicated to the pursuit of SOJ and butt-seks.
And oct_ane found it good.
Until the Heinous Demon of Modship became weary of the mighty cahrs and caused them to vanish beneath the seas of Expiry.
And oct_ane spake.
"Noob." - Psalms of the Spam, 13:154
(as interpretted by Lydia)
Original Transcript of "Teh Book of Octanic Genesis"
-On the first day teh_GFrazier said, "Let there be oct_ane," and it was good.
-On the second day teh_GFrazier said, "Let there be lovejar," and it was good.
-On the third day teh_GFrazier said, "Let there be teh_Micah," and it was good.
-On the 4th-7th days teh_GFrazier said, "Let there be trolling in the D2:GD forum." And so it came to light, for trolling is good.
The King Ulmo_Vala version of "Teh Book of Octanic Genesis - LAWL Edition 2.0 UR MOM Remix"
- On the first day teh_GFraizer said, "From the empty chasm of the internets I have been born. Fire from the world of Jostef have collided with cold from the world of Blubzard the and formed a drop of divine water. From this csomic drop of water the worlds of endless battle have formed. At least that is what my manual says. And there is something in the EULA about a world tree"
- On the second day teh_GFraizer said, "I shall call the realm of Blubzard my home and crate a race of Blue Ogres to fill it. I shall draw strength from the cosmic chat gem, incerasing my power. Let all who honor my name construct a chat gem in the image of the All Gem."
- On the third day teh_GFraizer said, "I shall name among the Blue Race three lords. NickJS, DatH, and MicahW. Let DatH be imbued with the skills of a ninja, let NickJS be imbued with the powers of a pacman, and let MicahW be the popular one." And like a cosmic arms race thus did Jostef create trolls, spammers, and flamers.
- On the fourth day teh_Gfraizer said, "I am lonely. And thus shall I create from my own flesh a wife and totally do her lawl. I shall sire three Children and name them Oct_ane, Oct_ane 2, and Oct_ane 3."
- On the fifth day teh_Gfraizer said, "I have been betrayed. My heart is heavy...WITH RAGE. Jealous of my power my children hath joined the armies of Jostef, he who comes with cane, flame, and in full grump! They have killed my body, but my soul remains! I see...from my corpse they have built a new world, Forumgard. I will teach them thier folly. NickJS shall be freed, and he will be filled with hunger and set upon the spehere of flame set in the sky. The sky is formed from what used to be my skulll. That is so metal. Oh yeah, and let the comsuming of the sphere and darkening of forumgard be a sign of the final battle when the I shall lead the armies of Blue against the forces of Jostef and the Oct_anes."
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