italie |
MAME owes italie many thank yous, hah
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Reged: 09/20/03
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Posts: 15246
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Loc: BoomTown
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Best winner yet. <nt>
01/04/11 06:35 AM
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> 2010 DARWIN AWARDS > > You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado, here are the > 2010 Darwin Awards. > > Eighth Place > > In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after > squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. > > Seventh Place > > A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", > accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run. > > Sixth Place > > While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind > and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him > beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to > get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment > almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital. > > Fifth Place > > Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he > was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his > mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor. > > Fourth Place > > Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he > would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the > trigger. > > Third Place > > After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man > walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of > customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. > > Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild > shots from a target pistol. > > The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their > guns and fired. > > The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators > located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 > gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else > was hurt. > > HONOURABLE MENTION > > Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2A.M. So they > lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. > Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed. > > RUNNER UP > > Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew > a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The > conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the > bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that > no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered > and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end > around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet > before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously > survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. > Bingham's foot was never located. > > > AND THE WINNER IS.... > > Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 > doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before > the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, > 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved > beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr > Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued > to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak > accidents that proves... 'Shit happens' > > IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE > POOL!
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