MAMEWorld Forums - The Loony Bin - Best winner yet. <nt>

> 2010 DARWIN AWARDS
>
> You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado, here are the
> 2010 Darwin Awards.
>
> Eighth Place
>
> In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after
> squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
>
> Seventh Place
>
> A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran",
> accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
>
> Sixth Place
>
> While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind
> and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him
> beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to
> get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment
> almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
>
> Fifth Place
>
> Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he
> was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his
> mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
>
> Fourth Place
>
> Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he
> would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
> trigger.
>
> Third Place
>
> After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man
> walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of
> customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.
>
> Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild
> shots from a target pistol.
>
> The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their
> guns and fired.
>
> The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators
> located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23
> gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else
> was hurt.
>
> HONOURABLE MENTION
>
> Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2A.M. So they
> lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen.
> Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.
>
> RUNNER UP
>
> Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew
> a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The
> conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the
> bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that
> no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered
> and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end
> around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet
> before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
> survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.
> Bingham's foot was never located.
>
>
> AND THE WINNER IS....
>
> Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22
> doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before
> the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich,
> 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved
> beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr
> Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued
> to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak
> accidents that proves... 'Shit happens'
>
> IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE
> POOL!